Mother's Day

Mother's Day is not my favorite holiday. It's no secret that my mother and I don't have a normal relationship. Sadly, I can't even say we have a relationship at all. Often I'll see a lady with eerily similar hair at the store and wonder if it's her. Or I'll stumble upon something with what could be her unmistakable left-handed handwriting and get sad. Sometimes I wonder if she ever loved me like I love my daughter and get angry. But at the same time, I miss her- although I've realized that it's just the idea of her that I miss. I wish I had the loving, doting mother that so many of my family members and friends are lucky to have. Life just isn't fair. What I can say about Mother's Day is that this year will be different. I may not have a mother of my own to praise on this day, but I do have my beautiful baby daughter, who is such a blessing in my life.

Whenever I think about her, I start to tear up. She's my life now. I live for this child. I wasn't one of those young people who dreamt of being a mommy when I got older. But now that I am, I wonder why I waited so long and why I didn't prepare more for this role (returning to my guilt of needing to work instead of being at home with her). It's so fulfilling to be the person who nourishes her, calms her, teaches her, and loves her. Seeing the world anew through her eyes is a special gift. One that I cherish more than anything.

I honestly have to take a step back sometimes and just study her little face, her tiny hands, her darling sloped nose- she's so perfect, so gorgeous! Whenever I take her out (almost always dressed in a cute little outfit with matching headband), random people compliment her or stop us to ask about her. Maybe it's just a baby thing, but it's so much fun to hear "Oh my gosh, look at that baby!" spoken by random strangers when I'm out and about with her. It's hard to believe that this beautiful, bright-eyed child is all mine (and how she was lucky enough to end up with those big baby blues is just beyond me). Aside from her obvious beauty, which I probably focus on far too much, she is such a joy for so many other reasons. She's so happy all the time. She's so eager to see the world. She's so smart (I can tell already). She's just so lovely- I must be doing something right.

So now I have every reason to celebrate-

Her name is Natalie Jean.

Elaine and I got together at her place on Saturday to celebrate our first Mother's Day together. I had picked out a little Willow Tree sculpture of a woman holding her baby and a pretty lilly plant to give to her. I think she liked them. And she gave me a photo trio with a photo of the babies in the center (placeholder for when we have their pictures taken next month!) with space for their names and footprints on either side. I just love it! Elaine also found the sweetest card for me- not only a Mother's Day card, but one for a sister's first Mother's Day! It will definitely be a keeper.

After having lunch and hanging out for a while with the babies, we decided to take them out for a little walk around Elaine's neighborhood. Stacie slept the whole way (typical) while Natalie chewed happily on her paci. It's so nice to think that I get to enjoy this beautiful journey into motherhood with my best friend and sister.




Later that evening, Eric returned home from work and wanted to take us out to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. I knew Natalie was a little tired already, so I was hesitant, but I finally decided that we would go. Natalie lasted about half-way through dinner before she started to fuss and I decided that I'd be taking a piece of cheesecake to go. Regardless, it was still a nice way to spend our evening. I had a very nice first Mother's Day.